October 11, 2006  
  
  I hate blogging. Because no matter what I write nobody is going to read it. And if your reading this and you just said out loud, "What an idiot! Why would he write that?.....I am reading it....... He's so stupid." Your the reason I don't like writing blogs. So please quit reading or your going to be thoroughly dissapointed.   

I wish I could be funny when I write stuff down. It's usually funny in my head and then I write it down and it SUCKS!. Why does that happen? Like I'll think of something like," Wouldnt it be funny if a pirate was deaf and he couldnt pronounce his R's?" ( I laugh,hehe).....(I laugh some more,hehehe). That would be funny. I'am going to write that down..... Ok "what if a pirate was deaf? And he tried to say AARRR!!! He wouldnt be able to do it. hehe... He would be like AAAWWW!! And everyone else would be like whats he trying to say. I don't know but he keeps waiving his hook around. Does anybody know hook = language? (get it?....Hook language. Instead of sign language.....(cough,cough).

Anyways, What I 'am trying to say, is the world would be a much better place if people would just quit judging me. Now, I don't want to sound like a judge myself, but most people in the world are going to hell anyways. So quit judging!....ok?

I dont know what I am trying to say. I have writers block.Whenever I have writers block, for some reason the only thing that pops in my head over and over is the word banana. Why does this happen to me? And why do I continue to write jokes about bananas? There so hack!! Everybody writes jokes about bananas. Banana this, banana that. Bananas are crazy! Bananas are taking all are jobs. blah, blah, blah, blah.

Anyways, what I am really trying to say is Why the hell do I care what anyone thinks about me? I don't even want to put this blog up because I'am thinking "what if people don't like it?... what if people hate me because of it?..........what if they find out I'am gay?(cough) I mean what if they think I am gay?"

So many unanswered questions. Well, I better just take it one day at a time. George Carlin didn't get anywhere giving a shit about what other people thought. And I guess I shouldnt either.

 
           
          
           
           
        August 29, 2006  
  
  Today started out to be a horrible day…one that in the past might have discouraged me from enjoying the rest of it.  I went into work, and much to my surprise I had been fired.  When I found out the reason why I had been fired, I was relieved.  Relieved because I finally realized, that all of this time, I had been working for Satan.  

Yes, Satan…Lucifer…the guy that sits on your left shoulder and tells you it's cool to smoke, the one with the horns, the only one that sits higher on the FBI's most wanted list than Osama Bin Laden and that polygamist guy.  Yes, I had been fired by the DEVIL (who, by the way, is a lesbian)...

People get fired for many different reasons…not showing up to work, tardiness, sexual harassment, badmouthing the boss, creative thinking (and apparently for being better looking, funnier, smarter, happier, or more popular [applies only if one works for Nazis / Restaurant Managers]).  But never, in my wildest craziest dreams, would I ever have imagined getting fired for leaving an Iced Tea Pitcher on a table for longer than 3 consecutive minutes (I suppose I should have mentioned I was fired from a restaurant).

You may ask yourself:  “Why the 3 minutes?”

Because 3 minutes was our deadline, starting as soon as a customer leaves the table and exits the restaurant, to retrieve the dreadful Iced Tea Pitcher before it reeks havoc on society…and Table 73.  As if visible Iced Tea is the reason this restaurant, at best, is never more than half full.

Actually, to be quite honest, people only come to the restaurant for the Iced Tea.  

Yes, the Tea.  Not the food.

The TEA!!  

What does that say for the restaurant?  From where I’m standing, it means this restaurant sucks ASS!!!

Three times a day.  

That’s right, I said it.  Lick my balls, and poor me a nice glass of Iced Tea, Market City Cafe!!!!
  
           
          
           
           
           
© Josh Skalniak 2006